Pieces of My Life, Rants, and Feelings · Uncategorized

What is this feeling?

  “Nobody said it was easy  No one ever said it would be this hard” -Coldplay

I am regularly shocked about the things that I have difficulty doing in day to day life. Not because my daily life is so hard, just because the things I have a hard time doing change so frequently and so drastically that I never know what’s in store for me tomorrow. For instance, some days I can go to work, work with guests for eight hours, come home finish four homework assignments, and make dinner no problem. The most difficult part of my day being my decision of what to eat.And yet there are still days in which getting out of bed seems impossible, not because I’m lazy (which I won’t lie I can be) but because the idea of simply existing seems so dreadful, that even opening my eyes and lifting my head becomes a chore. Lately, my days have been feeling more and more difficult. I’m starting to feel less and less like myself and more like a shell, that does what I would normally do because that’s what must be done. I can’t help but worry that perhaps, my depression is coming back, or maybe I’m just digging myself a grave because of my constant complaints about classes. I have been trying really hard to be positive about life. Because let’s be honest, I’m incredibly lucky. And life is generally good. Yet, I still can’t help but be concerned about the fact that I don’t feel as excited about things. I’m not nearly as energetic, or passionate. And I’m truly not enjoying school. Which, has been weird for me, because I love to learn. I used to love going to school and being taught things. I had this immense passion for learning. Yet now every time I think about class my stomach fills with dread. Have any of you ever experienced anything like this? Do you have any wisdom to share?

One thought on “What is this feeling?

  1. Toni my friend… searching for the answers to life’s mysteries…
    The answer is so much simplier than you know.
    The hard days, the challenging chores and classes, the obnoxious guest, Believe it or not you need them all. How else would you know the good ones?
    Life will be full of sunny days, and rainy days, Days that were wonderful, and days that were dreadful…
    It takes both to fill a life. To give you the experiences needed to enjoy and truly appreciate the good ones.
    Embrace them all as each is precious and once you go to sleep, it’s gone.
    Some days we enjoy! Some days we learn…
    It’s just life.


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